Dear Sophie, Stella, Rhett, Gilda and Ellie,

I tried.

I tried my very best to stop it.

I composted, recycled, gardened, organized litter pickups, devoted my career to conservation. I gave up monetary wealth, and our culture’s idea of success. I stayed informed and got into lots of arguments. I shopped with reusable containers and bags, I bought second hand, I sewed, glued, nailed and repaired EVERYTHING – no matter how sick I was of it. I rejected palm oil, tropical fruits and New Zealand lamb. I created pollinator gardens and a certified wildlife habitat where there was just grass. I drove as little as possible, and carpooled. I took you kids outside. I went to rallies, I protested Conservative governments and unfair trade deals, I ran from tear gas, I signed every petition I could. I attended webinars, I shared on social media, I tried to learn from Indigenous leaders.

I did it all. And I did it until I couldn’t read anymore without feeling the dread. I did it until I had nightmares and had to stop reading the news. I did it until I cried every night. Then, I prepared an emergency bag, a kit with water, food and first aid so I would be ready for floods and fires. I began trying to manage my eco-anxiety.

I hope it mattered.