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To the Denizens of the Future,

I’m half-surprised, really, that a digital time capsule like this even made it to you. So many things could have gone wrong. The world’s ecosystems could have collapsed. Someone could have started nuclear armageddon. Maybe nobody uses emails in the future. Regardless, it made it, and someone may or may not be reading. To the reader,

This is your freshmen-year-college self. Society as a whole is beginning to realize that climate change is a serious threat, despite all of Donald Trump’s reassuring us that it is not. The 2020 election is fast approaching, and I’m eager to see if the Commander in Queef will be re-elected. The fate of the world climate may depend on it.

I’m a pessimist, so I’m inclined to believe that this message won’t reach you, and that if it does, our climate will be destroyed. But on the off chance that everything is nice and happy in the future?

Nice. Cheers!

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Dear Tomorrow,

No plastic straws, no water bottles, shop local, no meat.

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