A Letter To My Son
You are turning 6 years old in a month. I can’t believe it!
I didn’t want children when I was younger. I didn’t really like children in general. Then, I met your father. I can’t explain it but I instantly knew I wanted to have a child with him someday. Seven years later, you were born. It was a scary delivery and I honestly thought I was going to die at a certain point.
The first year of being a mother was hard for me. You see, I had lost my own mother, suddenly, to the Opioid crisis the day after I conceived you. I had an emergency surgery, where my stomach was slit open from side to side, in order to save both of our lives during labor with you. I developed PostPartum Depression. And I didn’t get a full REM sleep cycle for the first three months of your life.
We made it through that first year, together. Since then, you have blossomed in front of my eyes. You are so empathetic and caring. You feel your emotions deeply. You easily pick up on other peoples feelings . You are the first to console someone who is hurting. And I love the hell out of you.
I am sorry that I am not willing to give you a sibling. I have a fear of ever delivering a child again, I also have another fear. A bigger fear. I fear that I brought you into this world and that you are going to suffer in unimaginable ways. I don’t want to create another person who will have to deal with what you might.
You know how I taught you to not flush the toilet after only peeing in it once – so we can save water for the Earth? And how I taught you about recycling? And how I am always pointing out trees, birds, and other wonders of nature around us? Well, it’s time I explain myself a bit more.
The Earth is very sick. It has been poisoned by humans. A lot of those humans knew what they were doing and continued to do it anyway. Humans have poisoned the Earth so badly that it now has a high fever. And there is no medicine to make it all better. No matter what humans try to do right now, the Earth is going to get sicker and sicker for at least the next 30 years. You will be almost exactly my age then.
Summer has always been my favorite season. When I was a child, I was outside from sun-up to sun-down. I have so many amazing memories from summertime. Now, summers break my heart. I want you to have the experiences I did as a child. But you won’t. Summer is too hot now. It is too humid. When you go outside, your face immediately turns red and your hair fills with sweat. It is too miserable be outside. And summer is only going to get hotter each year.
The Earth is so sick now that it’s fever keeps rising. This is going to cause immeasurable suffering for every human on this planet. Including you. This thought hurts my soul unbearably. And it has already started. The rest of your life – things will only get worse.
I fear the day you truly comprehend this information. My eyes tear up thinking about it. I truly believe that I will never have great grandchildren. I fear there is a good chance that I will never even have a grandchild. That you will not have a child of your own someday. That family trees are about to burn up in a forest fire.
I want you to know that, at this moment, there is still a small ray of hope. There is a medicine that will stop the Earth’s fever from continuing to rise. It will not heal the symptoms she is already developing, but it could stop the progression of her illness eventually. She can only get the medicine, she desperately needs, if those who caused most of her illness in the first place decide to give it to her.. And they must make this choice today. Their track record suggests they would rather keep poisoning her. Miracles do happen though and humanity has came together before to stop a tragedy from getting worse. I still allow myself to feel a small amount of hope this will be one of those times. I promise you I will work harder.
I am sorry that we have failed you so terribly. I am sorry you will never get a majority of the experiences that I did. I am so sorry that most of your life will be littered with devastation.
I pray that those in charge of Earth’s treatment act boldly and quickly to help her.
I pray that you forgive us all.